Healthy Relationship Tips for College—and Life 

Why Healthy Relationships Are Important  

As the saying goes, “You are the company you keep.” Our friends, family, and partners all play vital roles in our personal development. 

Through interactions, we shape our identity and form the values that make up our character. The relationships we develop tend to adhere to patterns over time, this applies to both positive and negative relationships, meaning we are likely to attract similar people.  

A Quick Reflection: How Do You Feel About Your Relationships Right Now? 

Let’s start by taking an inventory of the relationships you are in right now and reflect on these questions: 

• Do any of your relationships cause anxiety?
• Do you ever feel you have to hide parts of who you are to make a relationship work?
• If someone close to you described your relationship as their own, would you feel concerned for them? 

If you answered yes to any of these—or you’re just looking to better understand what healthy relationships look like—keep reading. There’s something here for you. 

Five Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship 

1. Communicating Values 

Values are the beliefs that guide how we act and make decisions, and the attributes that make up who we are. Recognizing which values are important to you will help you effectively determine compatibility with those whom you keep company. For instance, some key values that help provide a foundational aspect to relationships include, but are not limited to, respect, trust, safety, and equality.  

When core values aren’t present in a relationship, it can impair your ability to work through issues, listen, and communicate with your partner. Being in tune with which values you hold close and won’t compromise on is key to determining the best company for yourself. 

2. Being Open 

Open communication is free, nonjudgmental, and honest; it makes us feel comfortable expressing our feelings and ideas. Even healthy relationships experience problems—to say they don’t would be untrue. However, the prevalence of a value such as this can differentiate unhealthy from healthy.  

The ability of both parties to freely communicate without any fear of judgment allows for the effectiveness of working through hardships by developing trust and understanding. Being able to communicate with one another is a value that is deeply rooted in another core value: respect. 

3. Respecting Others—and Yourself 

Respect is a foundational value, just like open communication—and while respect can take on multiple forms of meaning, when discussing its role in healthy relationships, it becomes more specific. Respect is the degree of trust and treatment partners have for one another, recognizing that neither partner has “authority” over the other. It is demonstrated through proper communication, active listening to your partner’s needs, and honoring boundaries. 

Having respect for yourself is also key to fostering healthy relationships within your life and recognizing when they are not healthy. Self-respect can be, and is not limited to, not compromising your standards, values, or tolerating mistreatment. We all deserve nothing but the best for ourselves; if we have self-respect, we can detect when we are not being treated in a respectful manner and find the courage to walk away from relationships that no longer serve or energize us. 

4. Maintaining Your Individuality 

Being an individual prevents you from centering your entire life around your partner or friendships. There is nothing wrong with developing close personal relationships with people, but we tread dangerous territory when we start displaying signs of extreme codependency. 

Having space in a relationship is good for our long-term health, and individuality is one way to establish this. Establishing individuality can look like many things, such as exploring personal interests, having hobbies, or taking on responsibilities such as a job. Having alone time for yourself demonstrates your ability to have comfort and enjoyment on your own, which is key to being independent. 

5. Building a Support System 

The importance of support systems cannot be stressed enough and is not only needed in times of hardship for relationships. Support systems are your “go-to” group of friends and family who demonstrate unconditional support for you in times of need. 

If you do not already have one, some guiding factors to building one are reflecting on the people in your life who display emotional intelligence, maturity, and have previously shown up for you when you needed someone. These are people whom we can turn to when we are emotionally clouded and people whose opinions we trust to keep our best interests at heart. 

Remember, You Have Options. 

Relationships exist on a spectrum, ranging from healthy to unhealthy, and lastly, to abusive. While all these terms can be nuanced, a general universality can be applied to define them all. 

Under no circumstances should you feel willing to confine yourself to a relationship that you do not want and that prevents your growth. It is key to understand that if you find your relationship to be unhealthy, you have options. 

While some circumstances may prompt you to remove yourself entirely from the relationship, you may also explore communicating your feelings or giving yourself some time and input from your support system before deciding. 

If your partner is mistreating you, have a conversation and see if they recognize it and are willing to change their behavior. If, upon reflection, you realize that you are the problem, what can you do better? Are you willing to change? Do you really feel as though your partner deserves to be treated in that manner? 

Love is an intentional feeling, and every day we continue to work toward fostering the love that we deserve.