They’re back!! They arrive in planes trains and
automobiles bearing sacks of laundry and bleary eyes from sleep
deprivation! The holidays are here and college students are
back home. Welcome to the upside-down lifestyle of college
students: sleeping 'til early afternoon and staying out late. While
we can dangle curfew in front of high-schoolers, college kids are
used to living without nagging parents and are unlikely to accept
prohibitive rules without a fight. But, like it or not, they must
balance their independence with the lifestyles and schedules of
family members.
When your college student comes home to visit, it helps if you
know what to expect!
- Frenzied visits with old friends from high school, mixed in
with a sprinkling of college buddies.
- They'll discuss friends, roommates, teachers, and campus
buildings you don't know the slightest thing about.
- They'll go shopping with your credit card.
- They'll complain bitterly about lack of space in the bathroom.
How dare a younger sister fill up the cabinet with her body sprays,
herbal shampoos, and soaps!
- They will want everything “just the way it was”, the tree, the
stockings, the familiar smell of cookies
- They will never take clean laundry for granted again. “Thanks,
Mom." (This gratitude lasts about five days.)
The following are tips to help in preparation for the first
extended visit home from your son or daughter.
- Talk with your student about your expectations for the visit in
advance so there are no surprises.
- Discuss the house rules and how they might differ from what the
student has experienced the past four months.
- Give students time to catch up with high school friends, and
establish family time. Students also may need time to be alone,
take walks or go to another room and read. Give yourself and your
student space.
- Understand that disagreements between students and parents can
be discussed and not just swept under the rug.
- Accept your differences. The relationships you have with your
family are far more important than winning an argument.
- Keep a sense of humor while your student is at home. Try to
laugh off the small conflicts.
- Cultivate a mutual respect across generational lines for
different values and needs.
- Encourage your student to be a considerate guest and not tie up
the telephone or computer lines or hog the television.
- Have realistic expectations about the visit. Look forward to
it, but do not expect a magical visit simply because your student
has been away at college.
- Having a good visit home involves planning and a willingness to
adapt behaviors to the situation. While your student has been
changing, you and other family members have, too. Share what has
changed and enjoy what is new.
Mostly, enjoy the time that you will be able to spend together,
both in preparation for, and during the holidays. Happy
Holidays!!